10 Symptoms Showing Sibling Jealousy In Toddlers
It might be a happy occasion to bring a newborn home. However, not all of your family members may feel that way. Sibling jealousy in toddlers is very common as they may suddenly feel that the limelight is not on him/her only anymore.
As parents, we have to be sensitive enough towards unusual behaviours from the older sibling. The older child may or may not welcome the newborn with open arms. That is completely understandable at this stage.
Table of Contents
Toddler jealousy tantrums
Here is a list of symptoms where your toddler is exhibiting signs of jealousy.
- Insisting on wearing diapers
- Increasing wetting bed incidents
- Hitting the newborn
- Wanting to be carried around
- Crying for no reason
- Wanting to use things for newborn
- Throwing things around like toys
- Requesting you to feed him only
- Requesting to wear clothes for him
- Making comparisons with the newborn
Insisting on wearing diapers
This situation may vary depending on the age of your toddler. Some toddlers are potty trained as early as 18 months while others are still wearing diapers at the age of 4 years old. However, the real challenge comes when you know your toddler is already fully toilet trained and wearing underwear.
Suddenly, now they are requesting to wear diapers. They saw you changing diapers for the newborn frequently. He/she wanted the same thing to gain your attention. There are a few ways to handle it. You can try to spend time explaining or give the diaper to him/her. Find ways to make fun of the situation or say if he is going for daycare, emphasise that the classmates or teacher may laugh at him.
Increasing wetting bed incidents
Another situation that only applies to toilet-trained child or undergoing potty training at the moment. Your older child starts to wet their bed frequently than usual even during day naps. This is a temporary behaviour but if you do not want to have pee all over your house, use protective waterproof bed pads that you can place below his pants just in case. Everytime he do it, let him know that he is now the big brother and not a baby anymore. Make him feel proud to be an elder sibling
Hitting the newborn
When you see this happen, do not overreact by shouting or discipline harshly on the spot. This behaviour is normally due to stress and changes. Explain to your elder child that it is not right to hit the newborn. It will cause pain and hurt his/her own sibling. Let him/her know that the newborn is harmless and is here to play with him. Give him extra love and reassurances with gifts or individual outings.
Wanting to be carried around
This is really common as everyone is focusing on carrying the little newborn, the elder sibling has suddenly lost attention to a mysterious baby. The sibling may react by suddenly refuse to walk and insisting you to carry. This can be a difficult and testing situation especially if you are alone with the infant.
Be calm and ask him why is he/she behaving this way? A good way is to distract his attention by dangling carrots like ice cream or sweets. Another way is to let him/her get involved like helping you to push the bassinet stroller around.
Crying for no reason
This can be signs of jealousy that his parents is holding someone else in the arms. He may not know how to express himself in this situation and crying may be a way to attract some attention. Extreme behaviours can be lying or rolling on the floor to cry.
It is best to let the child cry it out and slowly find out verbally what is the reason for the outburst. Ask the grandparents or relatives to bring him out for a special outing or spend some me-time without the newborn. (Check out the best scooter for 3 years old) This may help him to overcome this period of feeling abandoned.
Wanting to use things for newborn
It is not surprising that your toddler suddenly wants to the same baby essentials he used in the past. It can be wanting to be in that baby carrier, infant car seat, playing newborn toys or even drinking from the milk bottles that the newborn is using. Even though it can be very frustrating but instead of keep saying ‘no’, letting the toddler have his way sometimes is fine. Fitting his body into the car seat or stroller will make him uncomfortable. And most probably he will not request for it again.
Throwing things around like toys
Depending on the situation, this may or may not link to the newborn. Irregardless, you have to be really firm in this situation and expect the toddler to protect his or her toys. Some minor punishment like keeping his favourite toys or threats to stop buying toys for him can be effective.
Requesting you to feed him only
Another amusing trick from the toddler to gain your attention. For nursing mothers, the elder child may see as you spend most of the time feeding the newborn. It is normally the case as newborn needs to feed every 2 -3 hours especially the first few months.
After you have introduced bottle feeding for your newborn, let your spouse or other family members feed on behalf of you. Allocate some mealtimes weekly with your toddler and let him know he also shares the same love and affection as his little brother or sister.
Requesting to wear clothes for him
This is another smart move from your toddler to attract attention. Do not reject him all the time as this will only aggravate the situation. Your elder child may feel even more neglected and justify that the newborn is the main cause of his pain.
Let someone help to take care of the newborn for a while as you change the clothes for the toddler. This will reassure that mummy is still always there for him/her.
Making comparisons with the newborn
This is another sign of toddler jealousy. If your toddler is able to speak, he/she may be expressing their frustrations verbally to you. Always listen and acknowledge what they say regardless of whether you understand their request. Give reassurances that you love him as much as the newborn.
Other Commonly Asked Questions
What causes jealousy between siblings
Jealously between siblings may be different depending on the age of your child. If it is between a newborn and toddler, the main reason is that they want a lion share of attention and love from their parents at this age.
However, when they are in school, it can be different. You may be always praising your elder son for good grades while expecting the younger one to be as good as her brother. This kind of comparison although common is unfair and causes jealousy between siblings.
How can a new sibling affect a child’s development
Naturally, we will tend to spend more time with the newborn. The child may feel neglected by the parents and it can affect her emotional development. Research studies show significant changes in the older children’s affective state (i.e., anxiety, sadness and distress), increases in whining/crying and also decrease in happiness. (Source)
How do you deal with a jealous sibling
There are a few ways to improve the situation. Prepare small gifts and give to the sibling when others came and offer gifts to the newborn. When taking pictures of the baby, also take some of the elder siblings together with the newborn. If possible, bring the elder sibling to visit mother and the new sibling at the hospital
Final Tip for Sibling Jealousy In Toddlers
I have gone through this myself for my three kids and I know it is not easy to handle especially when the toddler is undergoing the terrible twos or threes. However, it is the parent’s responsibility to ensure that the siblings have a good bonding as they grow up and all these jealousy actions are only temporary. How do you handle sibling jealousy in Toddlers? Leave a comment below.
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Hi, I'm Tanya Madsen, a stay at home mother of 3 and a full time blogger. I participate in Amazon affiliate programs and earn a commission when you click over from our site. It won't cost you an extra dime (in fact you'll usually get a discount), so it's a win-win.
